Wednesday, July 8, 2009

"Horns of a Dilemma"

Now I know what it is to be caught on the "HORNS" of the aforementioned monstrous creature. I have got through to JU, that too with considerably high marks, and NOW I have to choose between Stephens and JU. I have already made up my mind IS Stephens.

Life is strange indeed. Till a couple of months back I was worrying about my ISC. After ISC results, the object of worry shifted to College. After St. Xaviers, matters improved, and the question was no longer of certainty but of choice. After Presidency-failure I immediately knew with a macabre force that I have got admission to colleges only because of my marks, I really don't possess enough talent to get into any college through any written test of merit. Perhaps Destiny took pity on me and gave me a tremendous morale booster: I topped JU entrance test...look look, now THAT'S surely an achievement! but how the hell does it prove my merit? It just goes to show that it was a bad day for everyone else and an immensely fortunate one for me!

And now at last, after a lot of vacillation last night, I have decided to go off, to act selfish, to leave everyone, to pursue a dream that migh not be real at all, to chase some distant reality that might as well be a mirage. Yet it is this illusory reality that I have chosen to embrace.After an exhausting race, the end of the farce called "college admission" is drawing near. AND, thank God for that.

And NOW, like Auden's "Miss Gee" I would pray: "lead me not into temptation but make me a good girl please."